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Lower curves show the fraction of positive words in messages, which increases slightly for messages sent by women but decreases for messages sent by men. Bottom Expected payoffs to writing longer and more positive messages, holding desirability gap at its city-specific mean. We see that longer messages are positively associated with response rates only for women and men in Seattle.

Positive messages are somewhat negatively associated with response rates for men; women have mixed success with more positive messages, depending on the city. The lower set of curves in the same panels shows a simple measure of the emotional content of messages, the fraction of positive words [based on the Linguistic Inquiry and Word Count LIWC database 22 , 23 ].

Here, we see an interesting difference between women and men: The women show an increase in their use of positive words when communicating with more desirable partners, while the men show a decrease. The bottom panels of Fig. The expected payoffs for both men and women show a remarkably close match to the messaging behavior depicted in the upper panels. For example, in all four cities, men experience slightly lower reply rates when they write more positively worded messages.

Although our analysis cannot reveal the underlying process that gives rise to these behaviors for example, reinforcement learning , this result may offer a hint about why men tend to write somewhat less positive messages to more desirable partners.

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